Re-evaluation.

It's Monday.

I don't have Mondays off anymore. It was switched to Friday. And I'm starting to think that I want those Mondays off back! Fridays are hectic and it's hard to get any studying done when people think you are already OFF!

NOT!

And it's hard to STAY in a studying mindset because you want the weekend to start already! Well, for me, I just can't wait to get home to play with Isaiah & Audrey. I guess that's a "problem" that I have to deal with. Boy, what a challenge!

But I at least got to start on my studyguide for our next subsection-which our next exam will be on. That's a change. Usually I don't ever get anything done on the weekends. I wish I'd done more though!

When I was at the library this past Friday, I picked up some random book called, 'The 50 Best Ways to Simplify Your Life"....I don't know, I like sh*t like that. If you've known me long enough, you'll know how very easily I'm drawn to those kinds of titles. Simple this, organize that, de-clutter, re-arrange....etc. But I've come to find out, I like the IDEA and the THEORY behind organization. I just can't seem to put it into practice.

And I can't use my children as an excuse. I have been disorganized since BEFORE I had them.

WHY??

I don't know!!

And I don't know why, for SOME odd reason I seem to want to start now when my WHOLE life is in chaos and disorder, and I really don't have time or SHOULDN'T have time for it, why I choose NOW to do it.

Simple. Because time IS now. Get it?

I can't be no 40 something year old and wish I'd started 'then' when that time is NOW.

Well, we'll see how it works out. For one thing, I'm going to have to live with a LOT less internet browsing time. THAT'S for SURE going to be the BIGGEST challenge! Because a LOT of my downtime (which is the biggest TIMEWASTER in my life) is spent browsing stupid Sh*t on the internet. I'm sure when I map out a plan to pare down my time, I'll be able to have more TIME to do other things like, oh, STUDY & spend quality time with Isaiah & Audrey.

I'm down with that.

Hmm..now that I think about it, maybe it's the fact that I'm turning THREE-OH!! this year that is spurning this so-called change. Ha. 30. Bring it!!!!!!!!!

So, I got through the first, I believe, 4 "chapters" of the book. I'll start the update. But I gotta get a short snooze in b/c I've been up since 2ish this morning, & half the time was spent trying to connect to the damned internet!!!! Can you believe it?! Yup! Well, it's time to start being honest with myself, b/c when I'm honest, that's when the self-evaluation comes in, and I can critique myself. I'm better able at identifying what my problem is because I point it out myself.

Sweet!

Okay, school is at 7:30. I gotta be ready by at least 6:45. I can take a nap til 6:15. Awesome.

Hopefully by tomorrow, I'll have a more concrete idea of how much I want to devote my hours to each 'element' in my life.....like, blogging randomly this way for instance.....this might have to change. But sometimes, change is good, no?

Night!

I just want to stay right here....in bed.

I could sleep ALL day.

It's been 2 hours since Cyrus, Isaiah, and Audrey left the house, and I am only getting up now....granted, I was the one who woke up at 7 a.m. with them, fed them, bathed them, changed them, & groomed them. (Gosh, it sounds more like I have dogs rather than children!) So as soon as they left, I went back upstairs and KNOCKED OUT!! I had the alarm set to 2:30, but I kept hitting the snooze on my phone. I really wish I could sleep ALL day! :( It doesn't help that I am in the middle of my period either!! My bodyaches are KILLING ME!!!!

It's official, though, as of Friday....I am allowed to go to clinicals on Monday, tomorrow! (Yay! No more "sneaking" out of the house pretending to be at clinicals when I was at the library studying or running errands).

However, I am not allowed to have any direct patient contact (Boo!). I had a talk with my instructor on Friday, after class, about my situation. She was confident in the fact that whatever they were doing in clinicals this year, that it wouldn't be too hard for me to pick up if I were to miss it. I guess she must have that much faith in my abilities or I just look like I'm pretty capable. Well, I'm glad and honestly, I welcomed those two days that I wasn't in clinicals b/c it was a chance for me to catch up on my theory/class work b/c I don't feel like I ever have enough time to really sit down and just do WORK (i.e. study, read, write down notes, etc.)

So anyway, I have something to look forward to tomorrow....in which case, I really have to get up and get going!! For one thing, I NEED to get coffee or something in me! This weather is not at all conducive to a studying mode....I just want to curl up in my nice warm bed....with my children sleeping right next to me!! :) I'm grateful that their father took them with him today....even though he has work later tonight.....

Oh WELL! I don't feel the least bit sorry for him anyway! Just thankful for the fact that he DID take them. But ANYWAY!!

As soon as I'm done posting this note, I am going to get up, wash my face, put on my contacts, change, and take my tired and sleepy self over to 7-eleven and get a big honkin' cup of joe w/ an extra shot & lots of sugar. Then I will head to the library, open up my books and study guide and homework, and proceed to do SOMETHING productive in the next 3 hours.

Good freaking LUCK to me!!

Dun dun dun!!

Ugh!

I can't freakin' concentrate!! Besides the BS from last night going through my head, AND FB, AND blogging...okay, I should go now.

Must....study.....for.....quiz tomorrow! I'll blog later.

Wee.

Decem-BRrrr!!

Good moooooorning. Happy December! Damn! It's freaking cold outside!! Finally! (Actually, it's been like that for the past couple of days) And then, as if to tease us, it turns into freaking summer in the afternoon. What the heck?? Haha! Guess that's you get, living in So Cal, right??But anyway, here I am at Sworks in Eagle Rock.

Yes, you read right. I am NOT at clinicals.

So, unfortunately, my instructor would not allow me to go because I had not gotten my vaccine for my MMR. As I mentioned before, it had taken so long-almost a week!- for the doctor's DUMBASS medical assistants to send in the authorization for me to have the shot done, inspite of complaints regarding the time contraints. I mean, geez!, they cannot be THAT busy if they have time to be going on their myspace and facebook pages (I came into the office one time, & I could see from where I was standing through the glass windows, one of them sitting down and serenely browsing through her site like that's all she had to do for that day), REALLY?? C'mon now!!

So, here I am, missing out on the first day of clinicals and all because I do not show immunity to measles, because the medical assistants couldn't get off their lazy asses and send in my authorization!! I blame them! Even my instructor said that this is not a difficult process and she doesn't understand why they would make it so hard for me to complete something so simple as a PHYSICAL EXAM requirement?! And that's not the worst part. Not only do I have to get the vaccine done (which I will be doing today), I also have to show proof of my immunity.

You know what that means??

It would require me to wait for ANOTHER week or 2 in order for my blood to be drawn in hopes of showing an immunity to measles.

Yeeeeeah.

So my job for today, besides doing independent remediation (a.k.a. self-directed studying and reviewing) would be to figure out how soon I can get my bloodwork done...meaning I would need to talk to people from my insurance--I am seriously considering switching doctors because I'm so traumatized from the service and treatment I have been receiving since dealing with them, and it's only since October!!--or trying to get a hold of authorities regarding customer service within the clinics....I don't know! It's bad enough I can't be in clinicals....I have to REMEDIATE the time I am absent from those days. Seriously??! Ugh!

So THAT'S the bad news. Now for some good news. (Yay!)

I passed my Basic Nursing Skills S.A.T. (Subject Area Test). I got an 80%, which is actually, according to the instructor's NEW grading scale this year, I got an average C. Ugh. NOT what I was hoping for. I really wanted an 85%. I KNOW I didn't study/review enough, so I can't complain. Some people actually failed this test, if I got my info right. But, damn! At least they just get placed on probation....b/c THEY ARE AT CLINICALS TODAY! :( (Can you tell I am REALLY bitter about not being able to participate today?!! Haha...)

And on a lighter note, I just have to say that even with THIS setback, I have MUCH to be THANKFUL for.

What have I done that I would deserve the continuous support of my friends and my immediate family? (I say friends b/c right now, they are the ones who are making it possible for me to afford the financial aspect of this program). I am now able to do my background check, THANK GOD!! THANK YOU (and you KNOW WHO YOU ARE, sneaky little things!! :) God loves you...and thank you for investing in me. The only way I can return your kindness is through my success (and then it'll be MY treat when we go out on our dates--Ya! Hehe...)

And with that said I want to leave this last thought:

"You simply will not be the same person two months from now after consciously giving thanks each day for the abundance that exists in your life. And you will have set in motion an acient spiritual law: the more you have and are grateful for, the more will be given you." --Sarah Ban Breathnach

Sooooo true.

Happy 1st of December everybody! And if you know Albert Ali Tampi....wish him a Happy Birthday! :)

<3, Rizzy

Post-Turkey Thoughts

Thanksgiving didn't really feel much like a "normal" Thanksgiving this year, and I'm not quite sure why. Sure, we had the turkey, the usual fare, the children running around doing their crazy, individual antics (Isaiah and his cousin Ally entertaining us with their dancing and singing, and Audrey playing Ms. "Photographer"/papparazzi!-"Smiyel!" They were really cute!), and with most of the family present, we even had the magic mike...but still, something just didn't feel right..to me, at least.

This year, I didn't even make it to my Auntie Fely's dinner at her house in Montebello. Cyrus' family had theirs this year at his Aunt & Uncle's house in Sun Valley, the first family gathering at their residence since they moved in just a few months ago. So I was NOT about to rush over all the way to the opposite part of town JUST to stay there for an hour or less. I know....I know....it's sad, but I'm SO tired!! Cyrus is tired.

He came home from graveyard shift in the morning and (even though he had the energy to play his x-box) I still pity the fool for not being able to function well enough when he does have to be with Isaiah and Audrey by himself.

Ugh! I HATE the fact that I have to actually go DO something for class tomorrow!! I mean, we're officially on "Thanksgiving Break" (even though it REALLY does NOT feel like Thanksgiving or the beginning of the holidays AT ALL!!), but all I can think about is the fact that I have work to catch up on and the fact that we are going to start clinicals this coming Tuesday.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

The lame (and VERY SCARY) thing is, I don't even think our teacher will allow me to go to clinicals. :(((((((((!!

First of all, I'm still missing a shot from my physical exam which I have had SO much problems with regarding the authorizations and the length of time between receiving them and my test results (the stupid, rude and careless medical assistants from my doctor's clinic should be FIRED!!), and now, our once $44-46 payment for the background check which is required of us BEFORE we go was bumped up to $88 because our instructor said the company with whom she was dealing with required TOO much information about the school and BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!! Gah!!!!

I was SO good to go and now I feel like I have to ask for MORE money!! I just had a classmate agree to pay for the balance of my clinical uniforms until I could pay her back, and this problem just showed up as if to say, "TA-DA! AND YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE HOME FREE!!.....NOT!!"

Ugh!!!!!

Time to pray again....


And also time to sleep. I have SO MUCH to do this weekend. We have our Basic Nursing Skills Test bright and early this coming Monday morning, I have 17 hours worth of remediation to make up for, most of it being absent from trying to work out my dumb situation with my darn physical exam requirements!! (a trip tomorrow with my 2 girl classmates and I will be going to which the teacher will give us 2 hours worth of remediation), writing about articles and doing learning objectives from our Basic Nursing textbook to complete ALL those hours worth of remediation. Ugh....and to think, if I'm not able to go to clinicals this Tuesday.....I have MORE remediation to work on.

Oh please tell me I can go....PLEEEEAAASE! :(

Anyway, I must sleep....I'm exhausted and certainly running on less than fumes by now.

Toodles! Good night y'all!

A Much Needed Break. Sort of....

It's been awhile since I've written anything on this blog. A LONG while. And of course, it's understandable. That is why I gave this blog its name, right?

Tomorrow, it will be 10 weeks since I had my first day of class in the LVN program at East L.A. Occupational Center. I can't say that it hasn't been a challenge, (it REALLY has) especially the adjustment period, which, right now is really just an extension of the re-adjustment we-as in my family & all those living in the house-have all had to experience. And I know it's not going to get any better.....but that's expected.

I am at the Glendale Public Library at the moment, trying to snag a few moments to write this down just to put in my two cents because the year will be over before we know it (Christmas is in 6 weeks people. Crazy, huh?!)

Anyway...right now we are in our 10tgh week of Level 1, which will end at the start of winter break (if you can call it that....I'll be studying ALL vacation long. Ugh. I might find some time to enjoy it with the help of Isaiah & Audrey though. :) So far, we have had 6 major exams, and 3 more to go near the end of this level. I am supposed to be studying for the 1st of the last 3, which is over Geriatrics on Wednesday. We will be having a quiz over the subject tomorrow, which is when we return to class.

Oh yeah, btw, I've had all my Mondays OFF this whole time (THANK GOD).

However, I am dreading the start of clinicals which commences the week after Thanksgiving.
I am SO grateful to my Auntie Evelyn for providing me with the financial necessity to buy my uniforms. I'll post pics up once we get them in! Thank goodness I didn't have to buy new nursing shoes too b/c that would've been another expense. Ugh. I hate to keep mentioning the negatives, but this course sucks the MONEY right out of you!! And on top of that we have kids to provide for....all I keep telling Cyrus is "sacrifice a little now, great rewards in the future"....well, not exactly in those words. I just came up with that right now. Heh. But I feel llike I must always remind him that the "end" (of this program) is so very near. After we're done with this level, we've got 8 more months to go. 8 LONG months of HELL, I've heard, but God! It will be SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.....did I mention REALLY?

WORTH IT!!

And I am personally counting down the days.

So what if I'm a little crazy by the end of next year?!
(No one's really "normal"....sorry to burst the perfect little bubble you've been living in)


So what if my kids look a little dirty & their clothes are all ratty?
(They're still alive, right?)

And, yeah, I owe people like, a gazillion dollars in time & money....

But after a month or so of reviewing, then I take my NCLEX-PN....
I can proudly say that I will be a Licensed Vocational Nurse! Woohoo!!

And then I go straight back into school. Cuz what I really want to get is my license as REGISTERED NURSE. It's just 1 more year for that (more or less....) but my plan is to maybe work at the same time & take classes. God-willing, it will all work out!

Okay, back to studying! I've pretty much "wasted" these past 2 hours on the computer since I got here.

Now, for two more GOLDEN, UNDISRUPTED hours of not having to bother with someone walking up the stairs & cracking their head, turning on the computer to play a game online, getting juice, wiping snotty noses, washing dirty dishes, feeding dogs, cleaning up after the dogs accidentally sh*t all over the carpet......okay, you get the picture.

;P

hi

I'm taking a mind break. I'm doing a marathon reading, but my mind was going nowhere. I have class @ 7:30.

Let's just hope this doesn't become the "norm".