I just want to stay right here....in bed.

I could sleep ALL day.

It's been 2 hours since Cyrus, Isaiah, and Audrey left the house, and I am only getting up now....granted, I was the one who woke up at 7 a.m. with them, fed them, bathed them, changed them, & groomed them. (Gosh, it sounds more like I have dogs rather than children!) So as soon as they left, I went back upstairs and KNOCKED OUT!! I had the alarm set to 2:30, but I kept hitting the snooze on my phone. I really wish I could sleep ALL day! :( It doesn't help that I am in the middle of my period either!! My bodyaches are KILLING ME!!!!

It's official, though, as of Friday....I am allowed to go to clinicals on Monday, tomorrow! (Yay! No more "sneaking" out of the house pretending to be at clinicals when I was at the library studying or running errands).

However, I am not allowed to have any direct patient contact (Boo!). I had a talk with my instructor on Friday, after class, about my situation. She was confident in the fact that whatever they were doing in clinicals this year, that it wouldn't be too hard for me to pick up if I were to miss it. I guess she must have that much faith in my abilities or I just look like I'm pretty capable. Well, I'm glad and honestly, I welcomed those two days that I wasn't in clinicals b/c it was a chance for me to catch up on my theory/class work b/c I don't feel like I ever have enough time to really sit down and just do WORK (i.e. study, read, write down notes, etc.)

So anyway, I have something to look forward to tomorrow....in which case, I really have to get up and get going!! For one thing, I NEED to get coffee or something in me! This weather is not at all conducive to a studying mode....I just want to curl up in my nice warm bed....with my children sleeping right next to me!! :) I'm grateful that their father took them with him today....even though he has work later tonight.....

Oh WELL! I don't feel the least bit sorry for him anyway! Just thankful for the fact that he DID take them. But ANYWAY!!

As soon as I'm done posting this note, I am going to get up, wash my face, put on my contacts, change, and take my tired and sleepy self over to 7-eleven and get a big honkin' cup of joe w/ an extra shot & lots of sugar. Then I will head to the library, open up my books and study guide and homework, and proceed to do SOMETHING productive in the next 3 hours.

Good freaking LUCK to me!!

Dun dun dun!!

Ugh!

I can't freakin' concentrate!! Besides the BS from last night going through my head, AND FB, AND blogging...okay, I should go now.

Must....study.....for.....quiz tomorrow! I'll blog later.

Wee.

Decem-BRrrr!!

Good moooooorning. Happy December! Damn! It's freaking cold outside!! Finally! (Actually, it's been like that for the past couple of days) And then, as if to tease us, it turns into freaking summer in the afternoon. What the heck?? Haha! Guess that's you get, living in So Cal, right??But anyway, here I am at Sworks in Eagle Rock.

Yes, you read right. I am NOT at clinicals.

So, unfortunately, my instructor would not allow me to go because I had not gotten my vaccine for my MMR. As I mentioned before, it had taken so long-almost a week!- for the doctor's DUMBASS medical assistants to send in the authorization for me to have the shot done, inspite of complaints regarding the time contraints. I mean, geez!, they cannot be THAT busy if they have time to be going on their myspace and facebook pages (I came into the office one time, & I could see from where I was standing through the glass windows, one of them sitting down and serenely browsing through her site like that's all she had to do for that day), REALLY?? C'mon now!!

So, here I am, missing out on the first day of clinicals and all because I do not show immunity to measles, because the medical assistants couldn't get off their lazy asses and send in my authorization!! I blame them! Even my instructor said that this is not a difficult process and she doesn't understand why they would make it so hard for me to complete something so simple as a PHYSICAL EXAM requirement?! And that's not the worst part. Not only do I have to get the vaccine done (which I will be doing today), I also have to show proof of my immunity.

You know what that means??

It would require me to wait for ANOTHER week or 2 in order for my blood to be drawn in hopes of showing an immunity to measles.

Yeeeeeah.

So my job for today, besides doing independent remediation (a.k.a. self-directed studying and reviewing) would be to figure out how soon I can get my bloodwork done...meaning I would need to talk to people from my insurance--I am seriously considering switching doctors because I'm so traumatized from the service and treatment I have been receiving since dealing with them, and it's only since October!!--or trying to get a hold of authorities regarding customer service within the clinics....I don't know! It's bad enough I can't be in clinicals....I have to REMEDIATE the time I am absent from those days. Seriously??! Ugh!

So THAT'S the bad news. Now for some good news. (Yay!)

I passed my Basic Nursing Skills S.A.T. (Subject Area Test). I got an 80%, which is actually, according to the instructor's NEW grading scale this year, I got an average C. Ugh. NOT what I was hoping for. I really wanted an 85%. I KNOW I didn't study/review enough, so I can't complain. Some people actually failed this test, if I got my info right. But, damn! At least they just get placed on probation....b/c THEY ARE AT CLINICALS TODAY! :( (Can you tell I am REALLY bitter about not being able to participate today?!! Haha...)

And on a lighter note, I just have to say that even with THIS setback, I have MUCH to be THANKFUL for.

What have I done that I would deserve the continuous support of my friends and my immediate family? (I say friends b/c right now, they are the ones who are making it possible for me to afford the financial aspect of this program). I am now able to do my background check, THANK GOD!! THANK YOU (and you KNOW WHO YOU ARE, sneaky little things!! :) God loves you...and thank you for investing in me. The only way I can return your kindness is through my success (and then it'll be MY treat when we go out on our dates--Ya! Hehe...)

And with that said I want to leave this last thought:

"You simply will not be the same person two months from now after consciously giving thanks each day for the abundance that exists in your life. And you will have set in motion an acient spiritual law: the more you have and are grateful for, the more will be given you." --Sarah Ban Breathnach

Sooooo true.

Happy 1st of December everybody! And if you know Albert Ali Tampi....wish him a Happy Birthday! :)

<3, Rizzy

Post-Turkey Thoughts

Thanksgiving didn't really feel much like a "normal" Thanksgiving this year, and I'm not quite sure why. Sure, we had the turkey, the usual fare, the children running around doing their crazy, individual antics (Isaiah and his cousin Ally entertaining us with their dancing and singing, and Audrey playing Ms. "Photographer"/papparazzi!-"Smiyel!" They were really cute!), and with most of the family present, we even had the magic mike...but still, something just didn't feel right..to me, at least.

This year, I didn't even make it to my Auntie Fely's dinner at her house in Montebello. Cyrus' family had theirs this year at his Aunt & Uncle's house in Sun Valley, the first family gathering at their residence since they moved in just a few months ago. So I was NOT about to rush over all the way to the opposite part of town JUST to stay there for an hour or less. I know....I know....it's sad, but I'm SO tired!! Cyrus is tired.

He came home from graveyard shift in the morning and (even though he had the energy to play his x-box) I still pity the fool for not being able to function well enough when he does have to be with Isaiah and Audrey by himself.

Ugh! I HATE the fact that I have to actually go DO something for class tomorrow!! I mean, we're officially on "Thanksgiving Break" (even though it REALLY does NOT feel like Thanksgiving or the beginning of the holidays AT ALL!!), but all I can think about is the fact that I have work to catch up on and the fact that we are going to start clinicals this coming Tuesday.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

The lame (and VERY SCARY) thing is, I don't even think our teacher will allow me to go to clinicals. :(((((((((!!

First of all, I'm still missing a shot from my physical exam which I have had SO much problems with regarding the authorizations and the length of time between receiving them and my test results (the stupid, rude and careless medical assistants from my doctor's clinic should be FIRED!!), and now, our once $44-46 payment for the background check which is required of us BEFORE we go was bumped up to $88 because our instructor said the company with whom she was dealing with required TOO much information about the school and BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!! Gah!!!!

I was SO good to go and now I feel like I have to ask for MORE money!! I just had a classmate agree to pay for the balance of my clinical uniforms until I could pay her back, and this problem just showed up as if to say, "TA-DA! AND YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE HOME FREE!!.....NOT!!"

Ugh!!!!!

Time to pray again....


And also time to sleep. I have SO MUCH to do this weekend. We have our Basic Nursing Skills Test bright and early this coming Monday morning, I have 17 hours worth of remediation to make up for, most of it being absent from trying to work out my dumb situation with my darn physical exam requirements!! (a trip tomorrow with my 2 girl classmates and I will be going to which the teacher will give us 2 hours worth of remediation), writing about articles and doing learning objectives from our Basic Nursing textbook to complete ALL those hours worth of remediation. Ugh....and to think, if I'm not able to go to clinicals this Tuesday.....I have MORE remediation to work on.

Oh please tell me I can go....PLEEEEAAASE! :(

Anyway, I must sleep....I'm exhausted and certainly running on less than fumes by now.

Toodles! Good night y'all!

A Much Needed Break. Sort of....

It's been awhile since I've written anything on this blog. A LONG while. And of course, it's understandable. That is why I gave this blog its name, right?

Tomorrow, it will be 10 weeks since I had my first day of class in the LVN program at East L.A. Occupational Center. I can't say that it hasn't been a challenge, (it REALLY has) especially the adjustment period, which, right now is really just an extension of the re-adjustment we-as in my family & all those living in the house-have all had to experience. And I know it's not going to get any better.....but that's expected.

I am at the Glendale Public Library at the moment, trying to snag a few moments to write this down just to put in my two cents because the year will be over before we know it (Christmas is in 6 weeks people. Crazy, huh?!)

Anyway...right now we are in our 10tgh week of Level 1, which will end at the start of winter break (if you can call it that....I'll be studying ALL vacation long. Ugh. I might find some time to enjoy it with the help of Isaiah & Audrey though. :) So far, we have had 6 major exams, and 3 more to go near the end of this level. I am supposed to be studying for the 1st of the last 3, which is over Geriatrics on Wednesday. We will be having a quiz over the subject tomorrow, which is when we return to class.

Oh yeah, btw, I've had all my Mondays OFF this whole time (THANK GOD).

However, I am dreading the start of clinicals which commences the week after Thanksgiving.
I am SO grateful to my Auntie Evelyn for providing me with the financial necessity to buy my uniforms. I'll post pics up once we get them in! Thank goodness I didn't have to buy new nursing shoes too b/c that would've been another expense. Ugh. I hate to keep mentioning the negatives, but this course sucks the MONEY right out of you!! And on top of that we have kids to provide for....all I keep telling Cyrus is "sacrifice a little now, great rewards in the future"....well, not exactly in those words. I just came up with that right now. Heh. But I feel llike I must always remind him that the "end" (of this program) is so very near. After we're done with this level, we've got 8 more months to go. 8 LONG months of HELL, I've heard, but God! It will be SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.....did I mention REALLY?

WORTH IT!!

And I am personally counting down the days.

So what if I'm a little crazy by the end of next year?!
(No one's really "normal"....sorry to burst the perfect little bubble you've been living in)


So what if my kids look a little dirty & their clothes are all ratty?
(They're still alive, right?)

And, yeah, I owe people like, a gazillion dollars in time & money....

But after a month or so of reviewing, then I take my NCLEX-PN....
I can proudly say that I will be a Licensed Vocational Nurse! Woohoo!!

And then I go straight back into school. Cuz what I really want to get is my license as REGISTERED NURSE. It's just 1 more year for that (more or less....) but my plan is to maybe work at the same time & take classes. God-willing, it will all work out!

Okay, back to studying! I've pretty much "wasted" these past 2 hours on the computer since I got here.

Now, for two more GOLDEN, UNDISRUPTED hours of not having to bother with someone walking up the stairs & cracking their head, turning on the computer to play a game online, getting juice, wiping snotty noses, washing dirty dishes, feeding dogs, cleaning up after the dogs accidentally sh*t all over the carpet......okay, you get the picture.

;P

hi

I'm taking a mind break. I'm doing a marathon reading, but my mind was going nowhere. I have class @ 7:30.

Let's just hope this doesn't become the "norm".

Worst Case Scenario

Since the volvo is still unavailable, Cyrus made an arrangement with his dad to use his "replacement", an old beat-up American car. I'm not sure what the make is, but whatever it is, it's a pieceofcrap!

So I'm thinking I may have to take the bus on the way back home. No worries. Not like I've never taken it before. It's just been awhile. I am calling Cyrus right now to get the details on my mode of transportation. ::dialing:: No answer.

Right. So....I'm going to get ready now. And hopefully I will be informed really soon what the plans are.

So much for first day of school!!

The upside: I now have a cell phone. I am no longer living in the dark ages!! Yes! You may contact me now. Hahaha!

Okay, so I have been informed that: I will indeed make it to my first day of class today. Cyrus was dropped off by Marc. Awesomeness.

Anyway, to mark my first day as a nursing student, I want to share this very relevant poem I stumbled upon on the internet. It's funny, but downright honest. It is too bad that Isaiah and Audrey won't be able to understand exactly why I will be absent from their little lives today or for the rest of the year, actually. I just hope and pray that it doesn't scar them enough that they will remember too much. Although, Isaiah has the memory of an elephant, he may be the exception. Well, without further ado, here it is:

Neglected ChildrenAuthor unknown (but had to be aNursing student!)

Our home is seldom very clean
The meals are not as good

And we don’t take a bath,

As we ordinarily would.

The hamper is overflowing,
The ironing is seldom done,

And the socks that were neatly in the drawer,

Are practically down to none.

She was a model mother,
The house was shiny and bright,

She was so even-tempered,

And a perfect “guiding light”.

But all that now has changed,
Dust “neath the bed does pool”,

Where is that wonderful mother?

Why Mother goes to school!

She has no time for cleaning,

We kids must do our best,

We’re having eggs for dinner,

Cause Mom is having a test!

She got a terrible longing,
A nurse she wanted to be,

So she nagged our dad for tuition

And the poor guy had to agree!

So every morning she packs her books
And walks out of the door,

We’d like to try and stop her,

But we’re sticking to the floor!

We take our vitamins and drink our juice,
Cause it would be terribly cruel,

If we caught a cold and fever

And Mother couldn’t go to school!

So if you’re in the hospital,
And on your back you lie

If you happen to see a student nurse

Tell Mom we all said – Hi!

O....M....G!!!!

It's 9 in the morning. I have been awake since 8:30. That's not the problem.

The problem is that Marc is playing the FREAKING MUSIC ON FULL VOLUME!!!!!! And not only that....HE'S SINGING ALONG WITH THE SONG AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS!!!!!

GAAAAH!

And there are people yelling and shouting.

Really family? Really?

Aww, Isaiah, Audrey, & Cy just came back upstairs. Audrey has her hair in curlers, like she's getting ready for her debut or something. Oh MY..Thanks Lola! Hahahahaa! That's it.

Okay, I'm up!!!! I'm getting up. But they can't make me like it! Today better be a good day (ahem: Cyrus!)

just kidding. :P

I'm going to hate myself later today....

WHAT: I have just created my blog. (woohoo!)

I don't think I have ever had an official blog, not if you count Xanga which I never really considered a serious blog anyway. Just a bunch of random musings, if not mostly to vent about frustrations over a boy!

Well, this took me long enough!! I have been on the computer since 12 a.m., maybe even longer! Oh I really hope I stick with this otherwise I am going to kick myself in the shins for wasting what 3 hours I really needed to use for sleep. Sleep-deprivation on top of sleep-deprivation + THAT time of the month....yeah, you do the math!

But I figure this is worth it. I don't have to waste my time later this evening trying to come up with a title and a url for my blog. I am going to try and sleep a full 8 hours because I suspect it will be the last time I will EVER sleep for 8 hours until the end of August next year!



WHEN: It is the eve of the day I go back to school. I am officially a student....again! Only this time, I am in it to receive my license, finally! Even if it is just for Vocational Nursing, at this point, that is cause for celebration. Unfortunately, *some of you may not agree. Oh well! We will just have to agree to disagree on that issue.

WHY: I created this blog so that I could update you-my dear family & friends-on our family life. I can only imagine the worst after school starts: that this year will just be one big blur & I will miss out on most of the moments because my nose is stuck in my nursing books or sleeping or working, who knows? I sincerely believe that I am doing this to BETTER not only myself both academically & educationally, but to benefit my family. I am expecting the worst, & hoping for the best. I am nervous, scared, & excited all at the same time because, as many of you already know, this has been a long time coming. Yes, I should have finished a LOOOONG time ago. But you know what? I don't regret my children. Having them did not stop me from continuing to pursue what I wanted to do. It delayed it, somewhat.

Sure. I have a hard time, I'll admit. I have had a hard time and I will have an even harder time, if only for this year. But still I am BLESSED.

This is where you fall in.

HOW: You see, I could find a million and one things to be negative about, but I am choosing to remain positive. I am choosing to remain focused and remind myself why I am doing this in the first place. Your love, your on-going encouragement, and overall continued support, not just monetary, (if that is what you believe your role is in my life) is what is making this effort possible. I sincerely believe that we are only as strong as our support system.

WHO: In the past, the end goal was only for me to be able to provide for and create a life for myself, but now....Isaiah and Audrey have changed all of that. They are THE REASON.



This is an account of my journey, for ONE YEAR....



as a mom,

as a nursing student,

& as a partner.



And at the end of this journey, if 'this is all I have time for', (sharing snippets of daily life whether it be a line or an account of a whole story because, really, it IS all that I have time for) so that I can provide a better life for my children, myself, and my family as a whole, then my hope and prayer is that I will be able to say, 'it was worth it all'.